2 years ago
Guys, I have a confession. I'm Ajit Pai, for real.
I give you permission to break into my incredibly expensive Verizon-sponsored home. When you break in, I want you to find the largest (re: still small) bronze trophy (it's not a participation trophy, mom) in my custom gold-plated IKEA detolf. You'll know which trophy it is because I won it for "Guess what my ethnic background is. Go on--guess!" You'll also know which trophy it is because it's the only trophy I own. It's--listen--it's also right next to my Gundam Zaku statue, which I painstakingly handcrafted from my own ear wax. Right next to both those things is an undoctored photo of my incredibly big penis. You can't miss it. It's a poster and everything, you fucking idiot.
Anyway, when you DO find that trophy, I want you to do one thing with it: I want you to hit me in the face. Multiple times, if you have to. In fact, you probably should do it multiple times, and make it look like I did it to myself.
There's one catch: You can only hit me in the face while I'm asleep, and only while I'm asleep, as doing it while I'm awake will summon my boner, causing me, without consciously knowing it, to take away universal healthcare from the smallest European town with a population of under 5,000... whose name I probably can't pronounce, but since it's most definitely made up of poor people who can't even guess that I'm probably some type of Asian--who knows!--then it deserves whatever I'm gonna do to it. And I say "whatever" because I can't explain it to you because I don't know because even I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.
(Hey also, The Last Jedi is simultaneously an incredible and bad movie, but not in the same way that Revenge of the Sith is an incredible and bad movie.)
@Peterson: Sorry to hear that, man.
@Lanny: HA HA
@DW: I talk to myself a lot. It's fun when the self I'm talking to is a cooler person than I am.