4 years ago
^ You see this, Spartanpredator? This is more interesting than passive-aggressively stating why AVP isn't canon for the 7 millionth time.
"TALK ABOUT A BUNCH OF MOVIES THAT HAVE ONLY JUST BEEN GREENLIT OR YOU DON'T CARE STOP MAKING EXCUSES"
Christ, are you kidding me? Sorry to be so mean about it, but the high horse act is so GODDAMN boring that it loops back and becomes irritatingly interesting again. The site is 11 years old. There is nothing to talk about. Do you need hours of constant, in-depth alien/predator discussion in your week? I don't. I don't need that because I'm 26, and frankly, I have more important shit to think about than whether the fictional space monster from an 80's B movie is carbon-based. IT'S NOT REAL AND I DON'T CARE.
I mean, yes, it's fun to speculate about the ins and outs of fictional worlds as long as it's done with the understanding that it's FOR FUN. But fuck me diagonally on a finely toasted slice of bread, I am so over "fandom." I do not have the time or the inclination to seriously "debate" whether Superman could beat Goku in a fight because, news flash, they're not real. Moreover, they're completely fucking absurd characters from inconsistent fictional universes with contradictory and mutually exclusive cosmologies, so the whole idea of "scientifically verifying" which one would win is an exercise in futility. WHICH IT WOULD HAVE BEEN ANYWAY, BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT FUCKING REAL.
That's what fandom does, man. It digs its claws in and it drains all the vitality and fun out of a story-and the word is fucking "story," not "franchise," you boot-licking fucking corporate sycophants- until you're left with dogmatic continuity porn that isn't about anything.
Hey, why don't Klingons have forehead ridges in the original series? You know who doesn't care? THIS GUY.
But you do. You care sooooooo much. You do your book-keeping and score-keeping and get into your dumb little arguments in the Youtube comments section about shit nobody cares about and, as ever, you can't see the forest through the trees. You will obsess over shit that is so trivial and uninteresting and you'll take it sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo goddamn seriously that it actually seems less cool just by virtue of you analyzing it to death.
I tried, OK? I tried to explain how Aliens is about two Mothers battling to ensure the survival of their children and why this is fundamentally different than the male-centric monster movies of earlier eras, but people like you were all HURR DURR
UHHH ACTUALLY, DEATHDROP, THE XENOMORPH SPECIES, UH, LIKE, UH, HAS NO CONCEPT OF GENDER? AND THEY HAVE NO, LIKE BIOLOGICAL SEX? UH, DUH?
HERP DERP DERP FUCKIN' DERP
And I try to explain that I understand that, but it's not fucking relevant to the themes and symbolism of the movie you literal fuck, but you don't get that, because you don't understand what a goddamn metaphor is, because you don't understand how fiction works!
I mean, look, I did it too. I was 16 once. I took this shit way too seriously and got really concerned as to whether AVP:R would screw up the all-important timeline, but you know what I realized? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because it's not real; "canon" is a nonsense word in this context.
PULL THE STICK OUT OF YOUR ASS AND HAVE SOME GODDAMN FUN, HOLY SHIT.
I feel like this kind of got away from me and I started talking about something totally different. But apparently this has been bothering me for a while, because holy shit, it's 4 in the morning.
EDIT: Right. Your post. Pound sand. I mean, sorry, but I've kind of had it. I've been on this site since 2004, for the love of god. This place had huge activity for about 3-4 years, and a small but dedicated group of posters for another 3-4, and lately it's kind of petered off, because it's 2015 and no one gives a shit about message boards anymore. We have talked about EVERYTHING interesting to talk abut when it comes to AVP, OK? Just trust me on this. We've had the meetings, we've done the brainstorming sessions, it's all been done about six times over.
If not for the off-topic thread, the board probably wouldn't exist because, guess what, the only regular traffic is the regulars and the kitchen people. And the rocking horse people! How fucking weird was that, right?
Oh my god, I have no idea what I'm saying. I'm sorry, it's very late and I'm very tired.
ALSO EDIT: I notice my sig finally disappeared. Shit. ALSO ONLY 599 MORE POSTS UNTI TEH END LL OMG