9 years ago
This night was turning out to be one hell of a ride. At least, it was for Bloo. His slutty cousin, Blow, showed up and was masquerading around as him, which no one else seems to notice judging by everyone else’s posts. This is both good and bad. It’s good because, if he can get rid of her by the end of the night while pretending nothing’s wrong, he can just tell everyone that he was tripping major balls. But… It’s bad because how the fuck was he supposed to cover up the fact that Blow was trying to blow DD?
God fucking dammit.
Maybe tripping major balls made Bloo want to suck balls?
Both. Both is good. But that’s still pretty fucking gay of him. Not that it’s bad to be gay, but – fuck, social justice bloggers are gonna have a field day with this fucking post.
While Blow was busy fucking a garbage disposal to try and calm her sexual urges, Bloo made it to the room where all his douchebag friends were blasting fucking cool ranch sauce of all things.
The room fell silent, all except for the faint chink, chink of the clattering bottles in the garbage disposal area (as if someone was fucking the garbage disposoh wait). A few minutes passed. Shit, Bloo thought. Everyone was glaring at him, wondering what asshole had the nerve to interrupt such a heartfelt session of white sauce inhaling. I should’ve come up with a speech first…
Otang raised his hand. Bloo pointed at him until he stopped. Another five minutes passed.
“Hey, I feel like… I’m… I’m am sick.” It was Isejin. “I’m… gonna…” she unloaded a steaming pile of fuck all over Bloo’s lap.
“Motherfucker. Okay, from now on, your name is Sickfuck.”
“But I d-don’t am eat the drink and now today (today) I BLAFJSDFDFJDF”
“I don’t like name”
“That’s too bad. You’re sick as fuck, ergo, Sickfuck. Go home.”
Trying to make her feel better, Bug-Hunt patted her back and spewed out the first words that came to mine. “Don’t worry, Iseijin – er, Sickfuck – at my age, I feel like a piece of shit!”
Bloo thought for a minute. “That – that’s good. From now on, you name is Shitpiece!”
“Alright, now that that’s over – listen. LISTEN. Goddammit.” Deathdrop was trying to leave – thankfully, Pv2 was there blocking his way. They were probably talking about bullshit. “DD, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to leave.”
“I… Have work in the morning?”
“There’s no post on Sundays.”
“…You son of a bitch.” And then he ran out.
“Bloo!” yelled Donut. Oh shit, Donut. They haven’t spoken in years. That second tail of hers looked fine as hell, he thought. But now was not the time.
“Listen, I gotta go.”
“Can I help?”
“What are we gonna do?”
“We gotta shut that fool down hardcore.” He lit a cigarette. “But be careful. He has an unorthodox way of killing.”
Donut stepped back. “How so?” She stepped forward again. And then to the right. Two hops this time. Cha cha real smooth.
“Well, he’s a big fan of Lil B, the Based God, and – well, you know how he eats nothing but wonton soup these days?”
“I dunno. I haven’t spoken to him in years, silly.” She did a girly thing and giggled, which really upset Bloo because of how inappropriately turned on he was.
“I’ve got the weirdest boner.”
“Well, I would, but now’s not the right time to talk sex, but if you want we could – “
“No, I mean about the wonton soup.” Bloo hopped once this time, embarrassed, but then she coughed up blood, which meant absolutely nothing.
“Oh. Well, in Lil B’s song – “Wonton Soup” – he… he, um…”
One of Donut’s tails wrapped around Bloo’s fiddling fingers and finely foraged them. (which doesn’t make any sense but it’s an alliteration)
“First, he parks yo’ car…”
“…And then he fucks yo’ bitch.”
Donut fainted for a second. And then she reached into her purse, which is weird ‘cause she’s a Xenomorph. Yes, we’re all still playing as our RPG characters. That didn’t stop being a thing.
“Swiggity swag, what’s in the bag?”
Concrete Hunter leaned forward. Or backward. I don’t know where he was in correlation with my position. Haha, position. Butt sex.
“Is it an overused joke?”
“Bitch, it might be.” Donut backhanded Concrete Hunter, which sent him into a frenzy about Rohan, or something.
And then some more stuff happened, and the next post happened, and then