4 years ago
Alright I watched it yesterday and I thought it was not worth the $5 I paid for the ticket. There were a couple of things I was satisfied with lore-wise, but the movie itself is not an Alien movie. You can tell right from the title screen that its not going to be an Alien movie because it writes COVENANT in the same way as ALIEN as if anyone gives a shit about that other word.
First, the good parts. I remember two.
1. I was satisfied with the explanation of where the Xenomorph came from. There were three main theories about the Xenomorph's origins: a) It was made as a weapon by the Space Jockeys; b) It evolved on its own; c) It was bioengineered into its current form.
Well, as it turns out, it was all three. Makes it all the more terrifying, I think.
2. The fact that David became a rapist was a very elegant detail. It ties in perfectly with the Xenomorph being a rapist and gives it even more absoluteness. Very well done there.
Alright enough of that let's get to the not fun part.
As I've said, this was not an Alien movie. Like Prometheus, this movie was also comprised of completely moronic human characters with a synthetic being the only one left to root for. Everything the humans did was complete nonsense. I can't remember a single decision made by a human character that wasn't completely clumsy and idiotic at the same time.
Another dumb thing about the movie is that shitty, useless, stupid bit of direction that works only to break immersion and significantly cheapen the experience: showing the Xenomorph's actions from an all-knowing narrator's perspective. What the fuck was the purpose of that scene where the alien is climbing some walls. "Oh no, but how will I know when it got in?!?!?" Well maybe whenever the fuck it wanted since it's not at all a closed-off area you cunt.
Anyway, whatever, it wasn't an Alien movie. The actual Xenomoph wasn't even in it. I'm ok with that, it doesn't ruin it by making it one with this overly aggressive, simple-minded version that chestburts as a little boi. But maybe don't call it Alien if you're not gonna have the Alien in it. Just call it Covenant and let's get it over with.
A thing that just occurred to me while reading Bloo's post about how people complained that Alien 3 is too much like Alien (and thinking that I've never complained about any of the original 4 movies other than the aspect of the Newborn) was that the Neomorphs explain so beautifully why the Newborn looked the way it did. We know now that the Xenomorph is not the perfect organism by chance, it was made that way through decades of meticulous work by a senile synthetic who also seems to have spent entirely too much time rewatching the Lord of the Rings movies in solitude. We know that the goo doesn't create an elegant, intelligent, stand-alone creature, but a botched version of the host, improving only certain key features that are probably written into it as a script in order to make it a faster killer and harder to destroy, while giving up a lot of the original elements. This is the same kind of "one step forward, two steps back" evolution that happened with the Newborn, something that was the result of the goo still working through the Xenomorph when it got the chance to mingle with new DNA one again. It removed the pigment because there's probably coded that way, to sacrifice pigment in order to make other improvements to the skin. It rearranged the organs and exaggerated some while diminishing others. I would like to speculate that, like the Neomorphs, the Newborn would have probably died of old age in less than 10 years.
Another thing I just remembered is that, if we consider that the facehugger injects not an embryo into the host, but David's modified version of the goo, which came about through interbreeding experiments and whatnot, then I was wrong all along. The Predalien, Runner and Drone are not the same species, because the traits that are taken from the host are not of a more coincidental, superficial, or just aesthetic nature as I'd previously assumed, but each Xenomorph is in fact a modified copy of its host. This completely removes the problem of the Predalien in AVPR having the ability to impregnate through the mouth because we can't possibly predict which traits will be transmitted to another species when the Xenomorph was optimized for human hosts. So this detail turns the Xenomorph from a sure thing into a possible thing. For every new species it infects tt will, in fact, be Alien every single time.