4 years ago
@DW Kirk might have believed that once, but by the the time he captained the Enterprise, he knew better.
When he said that, he was likely overcompensating to make up for the night he spent with a Morlaxian Sex Witch. They sprout new and horrible sexual organs every 60 seconds, like a Shoggoth at a porn convention. Kirk had heard tell of them in dive bars on many a seedy backwater planet, and knew he had to experience the Witches' fabled nostril-based orgasm, but what the heart wants and what the human body can withstand are two very, very different things...
His main mistake was in assuming these newly-sprouted organs would be mostly hole-shaped; he was half right... They were holes TO THE DICK DIMENSION. One of the cocks, a lime-green exoskeletal thing covered in toxic barbs actually pierced through the fabric of time mid-pegging and appeared to the ancient Vulcans, inspiring their ancestral Devil figure. Logic prevailed in later years, but the creature still appears as a symbol for senseless destruction in Vulcan calligraphy.
Spock always wondered why his people's traditional "Tale of the Fuck Beast" seemed to bring a nostalgic glint to his old friend's eye...
The other genitalia spawned that night defied description; echolocation and the ability to see into the infrared spectrum were necessary to see some of them properly, and Kirk later described one as "the result of a torrid, amphetamine-fueled affair between a lamprey eel and Lucifer's own prolapsed anus." He didn't know he was looking at the Morlaxian equivalent of a condom, and the Sex Witch decided it best if he remained in blissful ignorance.
And Tumblr feminists eventually splinter into several sects of bio-mechanical Doom-Nuns. The Sisters of Beloved Annihilation invade in 2020, and I won't sugarcoat it: That's gonna SUCK. On the plus side, the members of this very forum will go on to found a cult of dromeosaurid ninjas on the newly-terraformed Venus, so, y'know, silver lining.
This is neither here nor there, but being fucked to death by Doom Nuns and Sex Witches is still preferable to a Donald Trump presidency, incidentally, so let's all hope and pray for shoggoths and porn conventions or something, I dunno.