Since I'm already shitting my whole fucking life down the toilet, I decided in my infinite wisdom tonight to finally let loose on the forums here and tell you all how I really fucking think, and it's so funny you'll fucking shit yourself like I almost did 3 times today because I've got FUCKING BLOODY DIARRHEA LOL.
First up on the chopping block, I'm smarter than you. No way, it's true. Due to the law of averages, the vast majority of people reading this are probably ready to rebuke me in some funny way which will make me laugh greatly, but the fact is it's true. Why? I don't need no fuckin' statistics, I just am. I aced high school, I aced college, and I'm acing my whole life right now. I'm running circles around my entire editorial board at my newspaper, and my faggot boss knows I'm smarter than her, but she's a skinny whiny Jew who thinks she knows better than everybody because she comes from Kansas and reads The New York Times. Fuck that. I'm the only one keeping that goddamn piece of shit rag in business and she fucking knows it, which is why she felt threatened by me today and decided to ream me out for the headlines I write at night: BAWWWW they're too fucking inaccurate! They're too fucking inappropriate! Fucking little whore.
Second up, hunters have no fucking rights. If you're a hunter, fuck you. If you've ever killed an animal just for the shit of it, fuck you. The only thing you savages have the right to do is the right to remain silent while the police arrest you for murder. Yes, murder. In these modern times we live in, what some like to call the 21st century, we as a species have evolved past the need for senseless barbarism like the kind of bullshit you assholes pull when you get liquored up and go kill Bambi. You know what? Nature can take care of itself, it has for millions of years. It doesn't need us fucking it up by hiding behind that bullshit reason of "population control". Yeah, I got your fucking population control right here. It's called kill the hunters. An eye for an eye. Capital punishment for capital murder. I consider the murder of animals to be on equal footing with the murder of humans. "Well Nightweaver, what about plants? They have feelings too baww baww baww. What about when you hit a deer/raccoon/squirrel with your car? What about stomping on insects?" You know what I'm fucking talking about you pieces of shit. Stop muddling the argument with your goddamn straw man bull. I don't need reams of scientific data to back up what I'm saying...KILLING IS WRONG NO MATTER WHAT IT IS.
Did you know that the vast majority of hunters in the U.S. are big fat neckbeards and rednecks, probably like the kind who post on this forum? It's true. Try going to India with that stupid "animals are lower than humans" shit you speciesist faggot, see how far you get before somebody runs your ass over. And don't try that bullshit that "we need them for food, we need them for research, we need them for clothing, we need them for this, we need them for that..." It doesn't hold any fucking water with me anymore, not that it ever really did. This is the same species which just mapped the human genome a few years ago; it's time for us to crawl out of the caveman macho bullshit days and get with the program. Yes I think I can make things better by yelling at you, so shut up. Yes I'm a member of PETA, so shut up. If I was less lazy and actually owned one, I'd take my gun and go out and hunt the hunters. I'd kill every one of you arrogant speciesist bastards I could find. Same goes for you meat-eaters. Hey asshole, I've thrived for 15 years on no meat, now it's YOUR turn to try it out. Or are you too pussy? Yeah that's what I thought, goddamn bunch of pussies who are too scared to go vegan. My conscience is clear, what about yours? Hm? You don't mind they're killed in horrible ways in slaughterhouses? You ENJOY watching them die? Then you're the worst kind of scum, lower even than child molesters. I spit on your fetid corpse.
Finally (because I know you people are having OH SO MUCH FUN copying this into your ED entry on me), I DROP THE BIG BOMB! I'm into sex with animals! HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT THE FUCK. Guess what, it's kind of been skirted around in everything I've said about the topic anyway, but I support enormous animal penises in my mouth. Yes that's right, let's go there. OH SISTER! I will admit I've never actually tried it on any animal, but I would love to. I can hear someone now "Wow what a fucking hypocrite that he says he loves animals but wants to raep them lolololololoololol" Let me get one thing straight faggot: Pleasuring an animal sexually and raping them are two different things, and if you don't know the difference then you shouldn't be trying it in the first place.
Do you think your dog likes getting fucking blue balls because there's no pussy for him? THAT'S ABUSE. THAT'S RAEP. Letting your poor pet suffer in silence because of a lack of sexual gratification. So OK, we got dogs covered, and it's different with all animals and some are NOT designed for us, so you better stay the fuck away from them. But honestly, do you think that horse hates having his dick rubbed if he's standing there and thrusting his hips at you? Believe me pal, if that horse didn't want you there, you'd have a busted jaw or broken neck already from a hoof to the face. So those are the two most obvious examples of animals I would like to pleasure; it's amazing how fast everyone's going to misinterpret this post and read into this that I'm some SICK FUCK who you can't let near your children. That's amazing, those people should win a fucking Nobel Prize for their stupidity.
I'm about as benign a guy as you'll ever find, but here's what I can't get over: I'm in this fandom, furry fandom see, and its artists draw a LOT of dog cocks and a LOT of horse cocks and I'm like W-T-F? We love to see art of this shit but try soooo hard to deny to ourselves that it's just fantasy? Fuck you, slap yourself into reality. YOU'RE LOOKING AT DOG COCK AND GETTING OFF TO IT. Whether its drawn or not, you can't claim that you're not "into" animal sex. People just LOVE to make fun of us, zoophiles, bestialists, faggots, scum, whatever they call us. It's one big self-assuring joke apparently for humanity to delude itself into thinking that we're so much superior to lower animals that we cannot have sex with them. Interspecies sex is common in the wild, and yes I'm aware of the apparent hypocrisy between that and what I just said about hunting. "Animals hunt but we can't , but we can fuck them? Derpa derpa derp." Well guess what? We've domesticated all these species, and we are responsible for them. We're responsible for their care. Sometimes these poor beasts can't get off the way they want to, because of the physical restrictions we place on them by separating the sexes and so forth. So we should be able to masturbate them at least if they're horny and have no other outlet! I'd sign up to do it; I'd be at the fucking head of the line for that shit. Giant horse dick in my mouth? DO WANT!