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HomeForum › OFF-TOPIC THREAD 17: DINOSAURS ARE THE SHIT

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OFF-TOPIC THREAD 17: DINOSAURS ARE THE SHIT

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-Bloo-
2015-11-01 00:36:19
Xenomorph
I love big ass.

Anyway, I just sent an email to P. Hopefully you guys can reach him through AVPu's Facebook.

MODERATOR / LEADER OF THE SHADOW SERPENTS

Kaajin
2015-11-01 00:49:28
Yautja
He does bring up a few points, just saying. I haven't been here as long so I have feelings for the sight, but not as much as you guys, so maybe that's the reason I'm not mad? Idk
DeathWraith
2015-11-01 01:44:43
Xenomorph
Yea, I don't have feelings for the site per se, I basically just come here to interact with Bloo and DD. Everyone else is just a bonus. I was expecting this site to disappear completely a few years ago, but you know how sometimes you have to put down your dog, but then you still wanna sleep inside its carcass, because you're a tiny little midget pixie - not like a pixie with dwarfism, but like a dwarf with dragonfly wings - so you go and cover yourself in dirt and prepare to be buried in a pretty impressive ritual especially taking into consideration the fact that it can only be performed with a maximum of 3 people present, out of whom one isn't moving.

So there you are, all tied up in a cloth bag and one guy is on fire and there's all sorts of orange lights swerving around you and the voice of some spirit-god is speaking to the third guy and the ground is shaking, but suddenly a horse wanders into the circle and the damned spirit-god is really pissed at you because he thinks it's a centaur because he's never actually seen a human face and we all decided to wear horse masks as a joke. Obviously the flames stop and the lights stop and the guy who was on fire runs away because apparently being on fire hurt a lot and he didn't like it.

And now you're stuck there in a cloth bag and your only friend is busy socializing with the horse who just moments ago ruined your descent into the ground by being stupid and not minding its own business. To top it all off, you realize that it's not even the first time you've been in this type of situation and remember that in a past life you were known as Aunt Clarissa and a horse destroyed your flower shop. Lo and behold, your life-long phobia of equestrianism finally makes sense and you can let go of the guilt you've been feeling for disappointing your father all those years ago - turns out it was the horse's fault all along.

Well now you're angry, but still tied up and you have to find a way to punch that horse right in the teeth - not the best idea, because you're a midget pixie and horse teeth are bigger than your fist - so you struggle for a bit, trying to worm yourself free, but all you manage to do is sweat a lot. Of course, you'd already been sweating a lot during the ritual because there was fire all around you and it was hot as hell. So now you're also feeling dehydrated and the sound of the horse interacting with your former friend doesn't provide all that much comfort. A few minutes ago you were well on your way to the damp embrace of the underground where your beloved dog lies and now you're the prisoner of this horse entity that by this point you're sure is actually a demon that's been following you since the beginning of time, hell-bent on ruining everything you try to do for fun.

For all you know it could have been a horse that killed your dog in the first place. It died of "old age", but death of old age is actually just a failure of vital organs or the immune system. Maybe it ate some horse meat and that gave it a heart attack or something. Once you've punched the demon horse to death, it would be a good idea to check the body for any wounds that would show how it tore out a bit of its own meat and fed it to your dog.

While you're busy doing your tiny kicks and punches inside the tightly wrapped bag, imagining how you're gonna beat down that horse, the spirit-god suddenly comes back and apologizes for confusing a horse with a centaur and offers to continue the ritual free of any extra charge. The problem, however, is that the other guy ran away and now you've only got one other person with you. So you try to convince the spirit-god that the horse is actually a centaur wearing a horse mask just like yours and he is not very amused by your attempt to mock the ritual with your stupid horse masks and only agrees to continue if you all take them off.

Well what the hell do you do now? The horse doesn't actually have a mask and if this spirit-asshole finds out that you were lying to him, he's never gonna set the damned thing on fire. You ask for a little privacy and whisper for a bit with your friend, raising all of the aforementioned concerns and theories and he's like "don't worry I got this". So he goes and grabs the horse by the cheeks and apparently he's the fucking Hulk because he pulls the damned thing's head clean off and the spirit-god vanishes screaming that we're all insane and we should never summon him again and he's had enough.

Not only that, but your "friend" leaves you there in the middle of the night in a tightly wrapped cloth bag, with a horse mask on your head and in the morning your mom finds you there just like that - and get this - your mom is a horse.

READ THE RULES


A song about me and skull_ripper that I wrote:
"Yeah, uh, yea yeah, uh, yeah, crackers gonna crack yeah, uh, yeah..."
(thats what I have so far hope u like it)
Deathdrop
2015-11-01 09:05:46
Yautja
^ You see this, Spartanpredator? This is more interesting than passive-aggressively stating why AVP isn't canon for the 7 millionth time.

"TALK ABOUT A BUNCH OF MOVIES THAT HAVE ONLY JUST BEEN GREENLIT OR YOU DON'T CARE STOP MAKING EXCUSES"

Christ, are you kidding me? Sorry to be so mean about it, but the high horse act is so GODDAMN boring that it loops back and becomes irritatingly interesting again. The site is 11 years old. There is nothing to talk about. Do you need hours of constant, in-depth alien/predator discussion in your week? I don't. I don't need that because I'm 26, and frankly, I have more important shit to think about than whether the fictional space monster from an 80's B movie is carbon-based. IT'S NOT REAL AND I DON'T CARE.

I mean, yes, it's fun to speculate about the ins and outs of fictional worlds as long as it's done with the understanding that it's FOR FUN. But fuck me diagonally on a finely toasted slice of bread, I am so over "fandom." I do not have the time or the inclination to seriously "debate" whether Superman could beat Goku in a fight because, news flash, they're not real. Moreover, they're completely fucking absurd characters from inconsistent fictional universes with contradictory and mutually exclusive cosmologies, so the whole idea of "scientifically verifying" which one would win is an exercise in futility. WHICH IT WOULD HAVE BEEN ANYWAY, BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT FUCKING REAL.

That's what fandom does, man. It digs its claws in and it drains all the vitality and fun out of a story-and the word is fucking "story," not "franchise," you boot-licking fucking corporate sycophants- until you're left with dogmatic continuity porn that isn't about anything.

Hey, why don't Klingons have forehead ridges in the original series? You know who doesn't care? THIS GUY.

But you do. You care sooooooo much. You do your book-keeping and score-keeping and get into your dumb little arguments in the Youtube comments section about shit nobody cares about and, as ever, you can't see the forest through the trees. You will obsess over shit that is so trivial and uninteresting and you'll take it sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo goddamn seriously that it actually seems less cool just by virtue of you analyzing it to death.

I tried, OK? I tried to explain how Aliens is about two Mothers battling to ensure the survival of their children and why this is fundamentally different than the male-centric monster movies of earlier eras, but people like you were all HURR DURR

UHHH ACTUALLY, DEATHDROP, THE XENOMORPH SPECIES, UH, LIKE, UH, HAS NO CONCEPT OF GENDER? AND THEY HAVE NO, LIKE BIOLOGICAL SEX? UH, DUH?

HERP DERP DERP FUCKIN' DERP

And I try to explain that I understand that, but it's not fucking relevant to the themes and symbolism of the movie you literal fuck, but you don't get that, because you don't understand what a goddamn metaphor is, because you don't understand how fiction works!

I mean, look, I did it too. I was 16 once. I took this shit way too seriously and got really concerned as to whether AVP:R would screw up the all-important timeline, but you know what I realized? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because it's not real; "canon" is a nonsense word in this context.

PULL THE STICK OUT OF YOUR ASS AND HAVE SOME GODDAMN FUN, HOLY SHIT.

...

I feel like this kind of got away from me and I started talking about something totally different. But apparently this has been bothering me for a while, because holy shit, it's 4 in the morning.

EDIT: Right. Your post. Pound sand. I mean, sorry, but I've kind of had it. I've been on this site since 2004, for the love of god. This place had huge activity for about 3-4 years, and a small but dedicated group of posters for another 3-4, and lately it's kind of petered off, because it's 2015 and no one gives a shit about message boards anymore. We have talked about EVERYTHING interesting to talk abut when it comes to AVP, OK? Just trust me on this. We've had the meetings, we've done the brainstorming sessions, it's all been done about six times over.

If not for the off-topic thread, the board probably wouldn't exist because, guess what, the only regular traffic is the regulars and the kitchen people. And the rocking horse people! How fucking weird was that, right?

Oh my god, I have no idea what I'm saying. I'm sorry, it's very late and I'm very tired.

ALSO EDIT: I notice my sig finally disappeared. Shit. ALSO ONLY 599 MORE POSTS UNTI TEH END LL OMG
DeathWraith
2015-11-01 12:23:47
Xenomorph
LOOK DD, IF IT'S NOT CANON, I'M GONNA FUCKING SAY IT. I DON'T CARE THAT YOU LIKE METAPHORS AND SHIT, METAPHORS ARE FOR POEMS AND PUSSIES. AND EVERY OTHER ARTISTIC MEDIUM. WHAT WE'RE DOING HERE IS NOT ART. IT IS SERIOUS DEBATE. ALIENS HAVE NO CONCEPT OF GENDER, BLENDER, OR SLENDER AND THANK FUCK FOR THAT BECAUSE SLENDER IS AN AWFUL GAME THAT PERPETUATES THE IDEA OF SLENDERMAN BEING A BLACK AND WHITE COLORED THREE-BY-FOUR THAT FOR SOME REASON LIKES TO LOOK AT PEOPLE FROM UP CLOSE AND LIVES IN THE WOODS AND ONLY MOVES WHEN YOU'RE NOT LOOKING AT HIM, WHICH COMPLETELY DIMINISHES THE ORIGINAL IDEA OF THE ELONGATED, DISTORTED SLENDER MAN AND IS ENTIRELY NOT CANON!

READ THE RULES


A song about me and skull_ripper that I wrote:
"Yeah, uh, yea yeah, uh, yeah, crackers gonna crack yeah, uh, yeah..."
(thats what I have so far hope u like it)
Deathdrop
2015-11-01 16:12:54
Yautja
So you're saying Marble Hornets ran out of steam halfway through and was a complete chore to watch straight through to the ending? I LIKE HOW YOU THINK, BRAH.
Dronehive
2015-11-01 16:52:48
Xenomorph
I mean, hell, I think we're all here because we're friends. And we dont really know eachother that well. We're like... a luch table at school filled with people that talk but outside of that lunch table, most of them aren't friends

I mean, I used to be like that, ablit less... salty. I'm here because of rp and avp discussion sure, but thats not the reason I've stayed. Even if I havent been here long, I think... I dunno. If you're looking to revive passions and create discussion, then GO DO IT instead of being angry and whiney.
Deathdrop
2015-11-01 17:01:36
Yautja
^ THANK YOU. That last bit should be emblazoned on the banner at the top of the page...

Also, this is apropos of nothing, but last night's Doctor Who might have beat the Republican debates for the year's single stupidest hour of television. Holy christballs.
-Bloo-
2015-11-01 17:14:01
Xenomorph
I still think it'd be cool to turn this place into an AVP fanfic hub but I completely forgot to address why we don't discuss on-topic things anymore. To be honest, I still think you're right in that it'd be super great if we had constant on-topic discussion going on, but on an almost 12-year-old site, that's not realistic. Each generation of users on here has talked about the same thing 9 times. We talked about everything worth talking about and then talked about it some more. "Worth talking about" doesn't include the difference in dialogue between the movies and their novelizations or why Ripley's hair got shorter in every movie.

But anyway, if this place were an "official" fanfic hub, it'd be a huge "Fuck off" to places like AVP galaxy or that Predator website where they only discuss canon things.

For example, if one of you wanted to write something along the lines of the Jar Jar is Actually the Emperor's Master theory, then we'd be on our way to becoming the greatest AVP site on the internet.

MODERATOR / LEADER OF THE SHADOW SERPENTS

DeathWraith
2015-11-01 19:15:03
Xenomorph
Well now I have to read a fucking Star Wars theory, thanks.

@DD
But that's how Doctor Who usually is. You're supposed to be impressed when it's decent. And I think the message of the episode was clearly that if we don't kill the refugees immediately, they're going to take over, which is probably true.

READ THE RULES


A song about me and skull_ripper that I wrote:
"Yeah, uh, yea yeah, uh, yeah, crackers gonna crack yeah, uh, yeah..."
(thats what I have so far hope u like it)
Deathdrop
2015-11-01 20:09:52
Yautja
I mean, I know it tends to be a dumb show, but the Capaldi era has been decent for the most part, certainly an improvement on some of the godawful Matt Smith episodes (and I liked Matt Smith, but holy hell was that Angels in Manhattan thing stupid), but there's usually at least a degree of consistency about it. Last night was just... Weak. Boring, dumb, incoherent, badly-written, politically dubious...

And can we talk about direction? If you're trying to do a psychological horror story about alien monsters who look like people, and the aliens in question are Zygons, DON'T SHOW THE FUCKING ALIENS.
-Bloo-
2015-11-01 20:49:12
Xenomorph
Well the problem here is that you guys are watching Doctor Who instead of something good like Cake Boss.

MODERATOR / LEADER OF THE SHADOW SERPENTS

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