Look at my pets doing cute stuff:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Jhcvdt01kvk

@Concrete: Steven Wachenmore of 946 18th St, Corckenwood Nebraska. He's a scamp, that one.

It snowed again dammit! And there's a fucking bear living somewhere on my property, this new year is not off to a good start!

Is it a Polar Bear? It would be cool if it was a Polar Bear. Unless you're a seal, in which case it would probably suck. Are you a seal?

No I'm an octopus and it's a black bear.

I thought you were a Squid?


Just noticed the bit about the Bear O.O

@SR: Oh, I see what's going on here. It's a BLACK bear, so you suddenly have a problem? YOU ANIMAL RACIST FUCK.

@DL: Don't be so ignorant. SHE is a TRANS-SQUID. It was a difficult decision for her to make and we should all respect her life choices, even if she is an evil bear-racist fuckhead.

So my lava lamp has been on for about 5 days now, I feel so 80s.

@DD

I should have considered that. I shall apologize to her right away!

@SR

Sorry but don't be a Bear Racist.

@CH

Whoa five days now?

I AM NOT A BEAR RACIST!!!!! The all caps being a sign of my credibility as an honest person. It's the fact bears eat people on occasion that bothers me, if it leaves me and my pets alone we're all good, and I would be more freaked out if it was a polar bear, those things are like eleven feet tall!!!

And It is complicated about the squid/octopus thing, but I assure you I am 100% male, I have that one... Special tentacle if you get my drift. You see, the Cephalopods of earth are basically Neanderthals compared to us, I am of the ruling Caste, I am the Emperor of the Cephalopods!

The ruling Caste looks more like Octopi in appearance, most like the giant Octopus actually whom we are most closely related but are tempered like Squids. We are planning to take over the earth for its large oceans and the fact it has our kinsmen already, it may be months or even a few years before we actually take over though, so you guys can ingratiate yourselves to me now, I like having lots of pets and primates are so cuddly.

We plan to kill all the people who eat.... calamari to start, and then all those people who fight back. We're going to start with the fat lazy Americans first, then Africa for the Zebras whom we ride into battle, we will just leave Asia alone so they don't rape us for their tentacle porn. Europe we will conquer for the art and use of tongue while we make Antarctica our first capitol on earth, south America will be where we mass produce eggies to spawn our future generations.

I, being the Emperor will live in the capitol and keep a court of sycophants, mostly humans, so, let the ingratiation to me begin!

Edit: Sycophantic positions available(hopefully about to be filled fast).

Chief brown noser.
Secondary brown noser.
Tertiary brown noser.
"Special tentacle" scrubber.
Normal tentacle scrubber(gently, I chafe easily).
Footstool.
Guards to keep the fawning masses away, but not so far away that I cant see them.
Lap human.
Anti-sniper sniper.
Chef.
Chef beater.
Seat warmers.
Cuddly couch potatoes.

You fuckers best be interested by my ridiculousness!

Polar bears are hella.

Polar bears are hella Jeff.

IT KEEPS HAPPENING,,,,

I see the game has begun, has it? Squid.

It's so thrilling and adorable to see you like that, floundering an' swirling around in the water with your subordinates, caressed by abstaining drifters and those elegant fins of the weaker mermen who join you in your frolic between the coral.

They make you squeal at night don't they, with your, 'high' plans and schemes in private seclusion, your longing for the other wavering molluscs at your tips to suck and scrub that special lil' tentacle of yours clean, whist they nip and nibble on your 'crown'.

But alas, you are so ignorant for, you are already beaten. You say you are to be the king, but you truly are not.

HE! HAS RISEN! YOU KNOW BY THE SOUND OF MY BESEECHINGLY LOUD MANDIBLES THAT IT IS IRREFUTABLE PROOF OF YOUR DOWNFALL!!


THE CRAB HAS AWOKEN ONCE MORE! AND HIS ALMIGHTY FORM SHALL BLACKEN THE WATER AROUND YOU, WITH BLOOD AND SEAMEN FROM EVERY NATION THAT OPPOSE!


We Crustaceans, will scuttle and trample on your oh so precious sucking lengths, and we will pinch and hold you to the sensitive crowns you wear on your oh so special little tentacles.

We amass before him, and he shall lead us to battle, and once we have waged our War, forget not that we shall deal with you.


The age of Squid is over. The age of The Crab, has begun!




_{We're also taking all of Human vehicles into our domain, so we might steal their secrets to shell splitting, tunnel penetrating piston power! *wubwubwubwubwubwubwub!~*}

Was the Age of Crab really ever over, though? It's always been there, lingering like a dick in a glory hole for the past 14 threads...

What was that? I couldn't hear you over the sound of me breaking buttered crab legs at Red Lobster and the sound of your ilks screams as they are dropped into boiling water, oh wait, it's just the air escaping... or is it?

This challenge will not go unanswered you filthy, chitinous fool! I shall be the one to to take the meta nutcracker to your "mighty" leaders shell! I shall be the one to stab the most holy lobster fork into his black heart! And it will be me who tosses you all back into the round bubble stand at Walmart, where you belong...

Your fate is sealed in ink and blood, crab beast....



Edit: And how dare you mutilate an orc quote at me! I'm the orc guy dammit!

People seem to be confused about the difference between this thread and the Picture Thread. The difference is that this thread should not have embedded pictures on every page, or at all, outside of signatures.

Silence. The Crab demands sustenance.

You can post pictures in the OFF-TOPIC THREAD, right?

Edit: I mean as long as it isn't like a bazillion pictures, and who died and made you the everything Nazi DeathWraith?

No one. I am forever.