Alien vs Predator - Universe
 News   Forum   RPG   Clans   Members   Encyclopedia   Movies   Games   Books   Comics   Artwork 
HomeForum › OFF-TOPIC THREAD 17: DINOSAURS ARE THE SHIT

Forum

OFF-TOPIC THREAD 17: DINOSAURS ARE THE SHIT

Register or login to post
Deathdrop
2015-04-18 19:12:21
Yautja
@Ultimate and Voltage: There are a grand total of three pages. Read them.

EDIT: FUCK.
DeathWraith
2015-04-18 22:43:47
Xenomorph
^ Oh boy good thing I waited instead of saying that. Fear of this happening is a legitimate phobia.

READ THE RULES


A song about me and skull_ripper that I wrote:
"Yeah, uh, yea yeah, uh, yeah, crackers gonna crack yeah, uh, yeah..."
(thats what I have so far hope u like it)
krio
2015-04-19 00:19:03
Xenomorph
"Show, don't tell. Don't say something was strange or murderous or terrifying-Show us. Make us feel it."

It's disgusting, gorey.
Not terrifying.
http://www.quotev.com/story/6128037/Murderous/
Any advice?


Venom snake:
Standing on the edge of the crater, like my brothers once said, and the ashes are all cold now. No more bullets, and the embers are dead. whispers in the air tell the tale of the brothers gone. Desolation, devastation. What a mess we made when it all went wrong....
DeathWraith
2015-04-19 03:54:51
Xenomorph
Don't use exclamation marks in narration unless you're narrating in first person or obviously conveying the character's exact feelings or thoughts.


EDIT: What the fuck, like 60% of your narrative sentences end in exclamation marks. Do you not understand what an exclamation is? Is this narrated by William Shatner?

READ THE RULES


A song about me and skull_ripper that I wrote:
"Yeah, uh, yea yeah, uh, yeah, crackers gonna crack yeah, uh, yeah..."
(thats what I have so far hope u like it)
Dronehive
2015-04-19 14:43:51
Xenomorph
Alot of what you write is very... think of it like an awful horror film. Exept the monkeys who made it are trying to write it.

What I'm trying to say is that its lacking in flow. On top of that, a gore-fest doesn't make for good writing. It isn't even descriptive enough to be real gore.
concretehunter
2015-04-20 03:56:36
Yautja
I thought id share something cool some talented people made

Sigur Rós - Valtari from Sigur Rós Valtari Mystery Films on Vimeo.

 photo Newsig.jpg

What would Peterson do?

Deathdrop
2015-04-20 04:03:45
Yautja
@Krio: It doesn't matter. "Show, don't tell" is general writing advice. It covers everything from romance to gore to comedy to... Well, literally everything you could write creatively about. If you're writing a gory scene, don't tell us how gory it is; SHOW us. Make sense?

Also, eliminate the exclamation point from your repertoire. Like, entirely. As DW said, unless you're writing dialogue, there's really no need for it to be there. Again: Show, don't tell. If someone gets bashed in the head with a hammer claw (for example) you really don't need to say "He got bashed with a hammer claw!" People will know it's a big deal.

Don't use phrases like "damn bad ass," because frankly, they sound dumb. Sorry, just trying to be honest. On that note, keep swearing to a minimum. Curse words are like any other word. Don't use them unless you need to.

OK, I'm reading this thing, and I'm not sure what you're going for. Is this supposed to be scary? Part of the problem is that the lead character isn't particularly interesting. She's bullied at school, which makes me think we're supposed to feel bad for her, but any pity pretty much evaporates when she slowly and gleefully tortures and murders a bunch of crying teenagers while their parents are tied up in horror upstairs.

I mean, she's the protagonist, right? If we're gonna follow her around and be in her head for nine chapters, there's gotta be a bit more to her. I haven't read all of it, admittedly, but why is she a killer? How did she get this way? Why does she think it's OK? What's her Mother's deal? These questions are a lot more interesting than repeatedly telling us how much she loves killing people.

I'm not saying make her likable. I'm saying make her interesting.

Anyway, I hope you don't feel like we're ripping it apart. All this is intended as constructive criticism.
-Bloo-
2015-04-20 06:01:41
Xenomorph
"I'm not saying make her likable. I'm saying make her interesting. "

Good examples of interesting pieces of shit:


MODERATOR / LEADER OF THE SHADOW SERPENTS

DeathWraith
2015-04-20 18:32:30
Xenomorph
Krio, you should read Ryuu Murakami. His books are short and he does a great job writing psychopaths, sociopaths and other types of deranged people.

READ THE RULES


A song about me and skull_ripper that I wrote:
"Yeah, uh, yea yeah, uh, yeah, crackers gonna crack yeah, uh, yeah..."
(thats what I have so far hope u like it)
skull_ripper
2015-04-20 18:35:17
Yautja
Hey guys, anyone else here seen the trailers for the fan film Predator: Dark Ages? Looks like it could be really good, or really, really bad.

The Legolas-esque chick(really light blond hair, bow 'n' arrows) has me kind of worried though.

¯_(ツ)_/¯
Voltage-3000
2015-04-21 02:48:20
Yautja
i still dont get it
For a wounded man shall
Say to his assailant, "If I live I will kill you, If I die you are forgiven,"
Such is the Rule of Honor
Deathdrop
2015-04-21 07:28:03
Yautja
Well, when a man and a lady love each other VERY much...
Register or login to post

Alien Vs Predator Tshirt

Guest
Like AvP Universe
Become a fan on
Facebook
Follow us on
Twitter
Movies
Alien vs Predator
AvP : Requiem
Games
Aliens vs Predator
Aliens vs Predator 2
AvP : Extinction
Aliens vs Predator 3
Books
Comics
Movies
Alien
Aliens
Alien³
Alien Resurrection
Prometheus
Games
Alien Trilogy
Colonial Marines
Books
Comics
Movies
Predator
Predator 2
Predators
Games
Predator : CJ
Books
Comics
Link to Us
Contact
:: Associates ::
AvP Unknown
Planete Alien
Prometheus-Movie
The Alien vs Predator - Universe website doesn't own or represent any of the trademarks.
Alien vs Predator, Alien, Predator and all related marks are trademarks of 20th Century Fox or of any of its corporations.
All trademarks and copyrights are owned by their respective owners